Bored? Check out the Burgh!

As my blog is growing I have been getting updates on cool events that are occurring in the burgh and surrounding areas.  I will be updating my Facebook page with all the information that comes in!  So if you are local and looking for something to do or want to travel and plan a family weekend please stop by my Facebook page and check it out.  Be sure to Like it to get updates!

This weekend is a great weekend in the Burgh.  There is FREE, that's right FREE admission to the Science Center, Carnegie Art and History Museum, Children's Museum, the Conservatory and so much more!  Head to Facebook for more information!!!

Click here to connect to Facebook!

So a meerkat, a warthog and a lion walk into Pittsburgh

I wrote a post last night about our experience attending the autism friendly version of The Lion King; however, you will not find it here.  Instead, you can find it by clicking here and visiting the Pittsburgh Mom blog spot.  I have read Pittsburgh Mom blogs for a while now, to gain advice, find out cool things to do in our city, etc and started bugging her a short time ago about being a guest blogger.  Luckily for me she caved and let me write this little dittie about Pittsburgh's production of The Lion King! 

So, please stop by and check it out and also check out her Facebook page where there is tons of information about Pittsburgh and a great connecting place for local moms! 

And ps...the show was great even if my aspie didn't think so......

"I AM NOT HAVING A BIRTHDAY"

 

Tonight's post title was a quote from my aspie. Needless to say he is not so thrilled with his birthday coming tomorrow.  There are many reason to my aspie loathing of his birthday, but lets not let me get ahead of myself.  Let's first recap on last years birthday. 

Recap:

• Aspie hid when a lot of people showed up
• Aspie bit my hubbie to the point of breaking the skin when it was time to sing Happy Birthday
• Aspie put his fist into his homemade pirate ship birthday cake that his great grandmother made him
• Aspie had a great time running around with his friend J#$% (my husband's best friend's son), but when J$%* left he cried and expressed that he hated us

So in other words, although it was a nice day and a good time was had by most of us, our aspie was stressed to the max and didn't truly enjoy his day. 

Now, let's fast forward to present.  We started about a month ago asking our aspie what he wanted for his birthday.  "I want my birthday to not be here," my aspie would say.  Why, we would ask him.  Birthdays are fun!  Birthday come every year, we would reason with him with no avail.  And each time our aspie would give us some logical explanation as to why he hated his birthday and was not going to have one.  Here are the reason we have collected and can understand. 

Reason #1
Our aspie likes the number 4.  It's his favorite, as he would say.  I have come to learn that many aspies like numbers and can get pretty obsessed on them.  It also helps to explain why so many of them our gifted when it comes to mathematics, physics and things like that; the love of numbers.  Being that he loves the number 4, and happened to also be 4 years old, it was the perfect combination.  Turning 5 means that he is not his favorite number, and this is more than my aspie can handle. 

Reason #2
The good ole birthday song.  The song that most kids love to hear and have sung to them makes my aspie so uncomfortable that he usually screams, "SHUT UP!!"  start swinging and runs away.  At other kids birthday parties we will stay away from the singing until it is over and then try to rejoin the party, but on many occasions this throws my aspie over the edge which means a quick exit home.  With him being the birthday boy, and hence the singing being directed at him means that he cannot avoid it.  His worst nightmare.  We did not understand that last year, mainly because he couldn't tell us what made him so upset.  With him being older, and being able to communicate a lot better with him has allowed us to understand that it's not the song he doesn't like, it's the noise.  A lot of people singing very closely and loudly toward him hurts his ears and makes his skin hurt.  He literally tells us that when he hears loud noises or gets nervous his skin hurts and he runs to find a dark quiet place.  That I get and can understand why that song scares him so. 

Reason #3
People looking at him.  People scare him in general and make him nervous, and really is the hardest battle he has with having Asperger's.  Since it is a syndrome that has many social components, having many people in one place is very hard on him.  When he is at the center of their attention makes it that much harder and causes him to get very anxious, meaning a meltdown is soon to follow.

Reason #4
Presents.  Yes, presents.  They can be overwhelming and over stimulating.  Sounds crazy to us neural typical folks, but for my aspie it is too much.  From what I understand from him, it is a bad thing because he wants to play with all of it at once, but knows he can't.  Therefore it causes him to panic.  What to play with, when, is that the right choice, all these questions running through his mind at once is a lot. 

Understanding these reason now makes it really easy for us to understand why our soon-to-be five year old does not want to have his birthday.  Knowing this, we decided to ask him what he would like to do on his birthday.  On one of his sleepless nights, at 3am, my aspie decided what he wanted to do.  Before I tell you what he wanted, let me explain why I have come to sometimes enjoy our 3am discussions.  When the house is quiet and it is dark, my aspie and I have the best conversations in the rocking chair.  It seems like at that time he can really concentrate on what he wants to say and what he really wants.  On this night, he started by saying what he always says when he wants to talk, "Mommy I have to ask you something."  After that he explained he did not want a birthday party, but instead wants to have a Halloween party closer to Halloween.  "That way no singing" I said.  Yes, he replied.  And there you have it, our new found answer to a birthday.  No party, just another day, but lets celebrate something he really likes, holidays!  Sounds good to me.  So for the arrival of his birthday tomorrow you will find us having a normal day, then heading to a Pirate baseball game in the evening.  Teachers have been alerted and family members have been notified.  This year September 18th is will be coming on Oct 31st and no cake and singing please.  And that is the best present his father and I can give him....one happy birthday fit just for our aspie! 

First Impressions

Our aspie started a new school this Wednesday.  It's a wonderful program in our area that incorporates a few autistic kiddos with "neuro-typical" kids in a structured, small classroom environment forcing interaction.  The goal is for the children with autism to socialize with all the other kids to prep them for attending mainstream school in the year to follow.  While at school, they incorporate OT and speech therapy as well as your normal pre-school things like writing, arts and crafts, etc.  We were extremely happy that there was a spot for our aspie and really hopeful that he was going to like his "new" school.  Of course, with a new school come new friends, new parents and a new teacher so this mom was dead set on making a great first impression.  I didn't want their first impression to be, "oh, here comes the family of crazies" like I feel that happens so many times when we go places visiting, or when we go to playground, or the when we go to our other school with the crying, screaming, yelling, running away, and all the other random acts of looneyness.  So when day one went great, without a hitch, with my little man walking in pretty excited and coming out telling me this was his favorite new school because it was very quiet ,I thought we were in the clear.  And then came day two.

On day two of our new school routine, my aspie was excited to go back.  He wanted to see his new teacher and see what new things they were going to do that day.  All went well for the drop off and I couldn't be more relieved.  But when it came time for pick-up, all hell broke loose, and our true crazy colors were exposed.  I had the baby with me, and since it was such a beautiful day, I got him out of the car to do a little running around while we waited for our aspie to emerge from the door.  The baby was so excited to see his brother that he stood next to me holding my hand, while I was talking to another mom.  In the back of my head, a little alarm was going off that I kept ignoring.  Warning, Warning, this is going too well.....something nuts is about to occur.  Warning, Warning...my head was saying and I just kept shaking it off, hoping that we have turned over a new leaf and we have entered in the new arena of normalville.  Well, I probably should have listened to the alarm. 

Aspie came out from behind the door happy to see us.  He rushed up giving me a hug, telling me he had another great day.  The baby hugged his brother so hard, happy to see him while aspie stood there looking annoyed his brother was touching him, but allowing him to do so at the same time.  Aspie took off for the car which was a pretty good jaunt away and baby and I were following behind.  About half way to the car, the baby realized that we were about to get back into the car, which was not what he wanted to do.  Apparently, he wanted to play outside because he started to whine and then cry, saying  "NO CAR!  NO CAR!"  When I was just about to grab the baby to prevent a tantrum from occurring, I heard my aspie say, "Mommy I need to go pee in the grass."  Oh no, I knew what this meant.  My aspie doesn't really ask to go pee, when he says those words that means he is going at that moment.  And sure enough, when I turned around, there was my aspie with his pants and underwear around his ankles, wee-wee towards everyone, peeing in that high arc fashion he does right into the grass in the front of the preschool.  At that same moment, baby went into full on rolling and screaming, terrible-two style tantrum that was drawing the attention towards us and my peeing aspie.  I didn't know what direction to head in first.  Screaming baby or peeing aspie, so for a few seconds I stood there like a bump on a pickle in a panic moment.  After I came too, I grabbed the baby and tried to block the non-block able view of my aspie seemingly never ending pee until he was done.  When he was done, I kept telling my aspie to pull up his pants as I headed to put the baby in the car.  Of course, baby was in full on crazy, hitting me on the head with his bottle.  This action caused for my sunglasses to fly off my head right into the middle of the road.  My aspie, felling bad for my glasses, wobbled into the middle of the road, with pants still around his ankles trying to rescue my now broken glasses, blocking leaving traffic from the school.  As I hurried up and threw the baby in the car, I ran over to my aspie picked him up with pants still down and threw him in the car.  As I walked back to the car, the first car that had stopped for my aspie was still stopped waiting for me to pick up my glasses.  The dad  rolled down his window and said, "Looks like your glasses are broke," with a big smile on his face.  "Guess so," I relied with probably a crazed look on my face.  I collected my glasses, waved to the line of traffic waiting on me and causally walked to car to buckle up the crew and to get out of there as fast as possible.  Well, it only took two days for our cover to be blow and for our new school to be introduced to the "house of crazies."  I think next time, I will not try so hard for the first impression.  Instead, I am going to have t-shirts made saying, "Family of Loons, have cameras ready, you will not be disappointed!" 

I bet you don't have play dough in your keyboard.

I had the most interesting conversation with a computer tech lady on the phone last night.  I called because for three days our notebook only had a white screen, nothing else.  Of course though when finally made the call to costumer support the computer came on, apparently just needing some time to rest and the threat of a call.  I continued the call anyways though because the computer was still not working properly.  When  I finally got through to someone, she started to ask me all of the normal technical questions that most support teams ask such as, "what is the issue" and "did you try this or that?"  Finally, she tried to walk me through a few fixes that I could perform to see if that helped my computer.  "Ma'am, could you please hit ctl-alt-del?"  I started laughing as I said, "Nope, can't do that one."  "Excuse me," she said.  "My delete button doesn't work, as well as that hold side of the computer like the number pad, and such."  "Oh, okay" she said.  "Well, can you hit the window button and esc at the same time?"  "Nope, can't do that one either," I said.  I have play dough in my escape key and I can't press that, and my son took off the windows button, so no luck there either."  "Ma'am, not to sound rude, but maybe I should ask you what does work" she stated while laughing.  "Yeah, that would probably be easier!"  I replied giggling back.  And so I explained to her that I can hit any letter key, the numbers above the letter and some function buttons and that's all. "I have quite an active son that can be rough with the computer," I said matter of factly. I didn't want to go into the details of why my son was active and so rough with my computer.  Of how he didn't think the Windows flag button should be on the computer since it wasn't a letter or number and removed it thinking he was being my big boy helper.  How the play dough was smashed into the keyboard to make his own keyboard imprint.  And how the latest incident occurred when he couldn't bring up a video of trains he wanted so he threw it across the room.  "I'd guess your son is rough on it since you computer is only a year old.  My goodness" she said.  After some more laughs, we decided that maybe my computer should just be sent in to have it looked at since I purchased the all-inclusive warranty when I bought it knowing my aspie's love of technology then...and his meltdowns. 

After my phone conversation, my husband and I had started taking about all the techno things that live a rough life in our house, given the fact that our son loves and obsesses about that kind of stuff.  My 4 year old has the hardest time writing, drawing, and even HATES coloring but working the tablet is not a problem.  In fact, I had to change the password on our Kindle twice since he cracked it once and bought himself $60.00 worth of Charlie Brown videos.  (And in case you are ever looking for an episode, please contact me.  We literally own every one now thanks to our aspie's little spending spree.)  He can work the notebook and my smart phone.  And yes, he knows the in and outs of the child locks and blocks on those as well which I have to change often.  And when he can't get on something, or his time is up on a certain device, a meltdown happens that usually entails the throwing or hiding of the device.  Of course we work constantly on this, and it is happening less and less now, but it still does happen.  And as my husband and I were talking about this,  I was reminded of another blogger who was writing about his son, who also had autism, and who threw a remote against his 72' TV smashing the screen, being the most expensive thing to date his son broke/smashed.  People started replying to his post with other things their kids smashed, which included things like blenders, windshields, computers, dvds, video games consoles, etc.  I kept thinking, yup, I can see my aspie doing that.  Not that I want him to, but knowing that meltdowns can come in a blink of the eye, I can see it happening.  And so, after I was telling my husband of the TV incident this other family had to endure we decided that okay, so our computer has play dough and missing keys, but it at least it wasn't a 72" flat screen TV.  And if some day it is a TV, well then I guess we will cross that bridge then, and I am sure I will be blogging about it with a large pitcher of margaritas at my side! 

There will be days like these

Yesterday I had a rough day.  Nothing happened to my boys or my husband, but I had to face the hard reality that my aspie along with my husband and I have a long road ahead of us and this weighted heavily on my heart.  The reason all of this was brought to my attention was because I had to meet with the local behavioral health clinic to obtain in home therapy for our kiddo. 

We have been trying to receive a behavior and therapeutic therapist for our autistic son since his diagnosis, and although it seems easy enough, there are many hoops of fire to jump through in order for an insurance company, or medical assistance to finally see a need for these therapies.  I was so excited when we finally received the notice that he was eligible, that a meeting was schedule to pick a team of specialist and that we were finally going to obtain a case manager for our aspie that when the time finally came I marched in the building ready to get the ball rolling.  I had no clue that I would be leaving in nearly tears due to the process, not because of the people or the procedures, but because I basically had to tattle-tell on my little four year old.

Although our aspie has been taking many awesome steps of improvement this summer, we still many struggles behind close doors (and for that matter out in public) that we need help combating.  We still have major temper tantrums, still hit, still don't play that great with others, still have eating issues, etc, etc, and yesterday I had to detail all of them to show a final proof of need in front of our new case manager and a county representative for our region.  At the beginning of our two hour meeting, our sweet case manager made the comment to not feel bad for the questions that he was going to ask, that I need to be as honest as possible.  I had no clue though what it was going to feel like to basically complain and rat out my lil man on his behavior, struggles, issues, and everything in between.  I had to tell them about how he has taken an interested in lighters, in aerosol cans and pill bottles and that we have closets and cabinets locked up like a penitentiary.  That he has run away from our home when I said no to something, which made us install locks keeping us locked IN our own home.  That he still does not understand car danger or running away from us in public and that, yes on occasion I have lost him in a store because a loud noise scared him.  How I had to tackle him one day because I couldn't get him to stop banging his head against the wall, and that getting dressed in the mornings is like going to war with a four year old ninja warrior.  By the end of it, I could hardly hold back the tears of pure sadness that I had for my amazingly loving son, who is the smartest and sweetest four year old I know. 

When I reached my car I called my husband and father to tell them that we were accepted for in home therapy and I couldn't wait for it to start, but they both immediately picked up in my voice that I was depressed.  They both explained that this was for the best.  That this was going to help all of us, and of course I knew this, but it still didn't help the fact that I had to play through all of those things we struggle with on a daily basis.  For some reason it felt like I could no longer hold the weighted of the world on my shoulders and I just got so tired that I honestly went home and went to bed for a few hours.  When I woke up I still felt so sad, but I kicked myself in the butt and took my aspie to my dad's house because he had been asking to go and visit.  It honestly was the best thing I could of done, because I got to watch my lil man play with chalk outside, laughing and talking with his pap.  It's what I needed to see; the smile on my guy's face to let me know that we are fine.  That I am sure I will have breaking days were it will all seem overwhelming.  I mean, we all have moments of weakness, right?  I hope so!  But in the end, you move on.  Really, there is no other option, but what I mean is when I woke up today, I woke up with a new determination to take on yet another day with optimism and promise.  I will not let myself wollow in self pity for to long when I do have those weak days, because that is not fair to my aspie, my husband, nor the baby.  It's only fair to be happy and be there for them.  And so today...is a brand new day!

***Thank you as always for reading!  I am so happy to have reached over 10,000 unique readers from over 50 countries!  Thanks again and please like my Facebook page for more updates!!****

What movie is THAT from?

UPDATED  - Answer to movie quotes are down below!

KFC Commercial

Quotes from movies are a part of everyday life with our aspie.  He says them when he is not sure of what to say.  He says them when he is tired.  He says them when he wants to be funny and tell a joke with the rest of us, and he says them when he gets extremely nervous, angry or scared.  He slips them in seamlessly and so well that many people don't even know.

Since we record many movies directly from TV instead of buying them, this means that he also knows many commercials and quotes too.  For instance, the other day after therapy my aspie said he was very hungry.  I cashed in on this since I have such a hard time getting my aspie to eat.  I hate fast food since I love to cook and would rather cook instead, but in this instance I needed to grab this opportunity before it passed.  Therefore, I stopped at the closest joint to us at that time...Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Lately, they have been advertising their new boneless chicken meals during one of my aspie's new favorite Pixar movies, Up.  On our drive home, after my boys had finished munching down their boneless kids meal buckets my aspie blurts out, "Oh no! Stop!"  I thought something bad had happened, so I immediately get panicked and said, "What honey?  Are you okay?" as I start to pull over the car.  "I ate the bones! I ate the bones!" as he looks through the bucket for these missing bones.  I look into the backseat at my aspie who has the smallest smirk on his face as he repeats the line from this KFC commercial.  "Honey, you didn't eat the bones they are boneless," knowing that if I finish the commercial line that makes him happy and he will usually stop repeating himself.  "Then he is breathing on me!' again another line from the commercial as he busts out laughing.  I couldn't help but to laugh as we continued on our journey home.

What is so cool about the quoting is that if you ask him what movie that it is from he will tell you exactly what movie that the line is from.  His dad and I are very amused by this because even we are sometimes stumped as to whether or not the words are his own or they come from the films.  During one argument he was having with me, (yes, my aspie argues with me like your typical four year old) my aspie said, "Shut your hole, you are not going to say that again!"  Furious, I sent him to his room for time out, without TV or electronics like the Kindle or the phone.  After time out was done, my aspie came downstairs and my husband explained to him that we do not talk to mommy like that.  When he was done, he said to our aspie, "What movie was that from anyway?"  "That was from Rossy, not a movie!"  and stomped back upstairs being mad that Daddy didn't realize that those were his own words. 

When I was thinking about this quoting I thought it would be fun to do a test your knowledge of movie quotes with some of our son's favorite quotes that he uses daily.  If you haven't watched DreamWorks or Pixar movies in a while this might be difficult, but try anyway.  Have fun and comment how you did at the end of the post! You can even add some quotes and I will see if our aspie knows them and comment back.  G-rated, animation movies only, please!  Just match the letter in front of the movie quote with the number to the right movie.  I will post the answers in a few days.  Have fun!!! 

Answers posted in the blue next to the  quotes.  Hope you had fun!

Quotes
 

A.               "Root'n Toot'n Ready for Shoot'n" --> 1.      Wreck it Ralph

 

B.                "I'm just going to wait here to see if I get a card from that little red-headed girl.  Boy I hope I get one." --> 8.      Charlie Brown

 

C.                "It looks like we're up a chocolate creek without a popsicle stick." --> 7.      Shrek 2

 

D.               "I guess I will be a lone, lonely, loner."  "That's a lot of aloneness."  "Precisely!" --> 4.      Ice Age:  Age of Dinosaurs

 

E.                "No... no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is bad, this is very very bad, this is really bad... They just can't get my nose right!" --> 3.      Tangled

 

F.                "You are a toy!" --> 9.      Toy Story

 

G.              
"There are no accidents"  "Schadoosh" --> 10.    Kung Fu Panda

 

H.               "Freeze Ray!"  "OH Yay!"  "Dave, Listen up please !" -->  6.      Despicable Me

 

I.                
"All right, it's go time, it's go time...."  This is a hard one so I am throwing in an extra quote.  "Oh, the gods hate me! Some people lose their knife or their mug. No, not me! I managed to lose an entire dragon!" --> 5.      How to train your Dragon
 

 

J.  "No flying in the house!"  --> 2.      Bee Movie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Nature Calls

We have all been caught in a situation where nature calls and there is no place to answer.  I have had many close call situations over my years and can remember times when I just couldn't make it.  It happens.  Well, nature called my aspie last month in a parking lot and daddy figured out how to avoid a crisis with some quick thinking. 

As mentioned many times previously, potty training was not something that came easily to my four year old.  Even now, if he is not having a good day/days, we have accidents.  And currently he is stuck on only going on our beloved "froggy potty" which is a training potty that we have in our living room.  Well actually, that's not the whole truth exactly.  He can poop in the upstairs "big" toilet and will pee in the downstairs froggy potty.  He will not do any other combination in any other potty.  For instance, if he is in his bedroom down the hall from the big toilet he will by-pass the Lighting McQueen potty in his room, skip the big toilet and race downstairs to the froggy potty in the living to go, and vice versa.  The other issue is that he does not want to stand to pee at home or really anywhere else that is not outside.  Therefore, my husband taking him to public restroom is a no go because the site of a urinal panics my aspie and he would have to stand to pee.  So, even though he is going on the potty, we still have many more obstacles to overcome.  One of those obstacles was overcome one weekend when I ran into a store.

 

When we are out together as a family, sometimes one of us adults runs into a store for a few quick things while the other sits in the car with the kiddos.  On this venture, I ran into a store and left daddy to fend in the car.  When I returned to the car and opened up the hatch to unload my loot, my aspie was standing in the middle of the back seat with a big smile yelling, "Mommy, guess what....I peed in a bottle!!!" 

 

"So, I hear my son peed in a bottle," I said as I took my place in the driver seat.  "A yeah, we had a desperate moment," and my husband began to detail the moments that occurred while I was in the store.  Apparently, not two seconds after I left, my aspie announced that he had to go to the potty.  The baby was asleep and my husband didn't want to wake him up to take him into the store.  There was also no woods or grass around to let him pee outside, so as he saw that there was not too many choices on how to help our son out.  He spotted a bottle in the back and well, as "they" say....the bathroom gods answered his prays.  My husband then explained to our aspie that he would be peeing in this bottle since they were stuck in the car.  My aspie said, "Ahhhh no daddy, that is not a toilet, that is a bottle for drinking."  "Yes, that is true, but sometimes we need to improvise in an emergency like now.  So you will just pee into it."  "How?"  "Just pee into the hole."  "No."  "Son, we have no other options, pee in the bottle.  It's pee in here or have your bladder burst.  Your choice."  "So he did it, I'm assuming, I said"  "Uh-ha, so don't take a swig of this ice-tea...." as he lifted up the once empty, now-filled bottle like only a proud father could stating "...and he did it standing up."

 

A few days later, I completely had forgotten about the car incident but hid the froggy potty to try to get him to pee upstairs in the big potty.  My aspie came running to the kitchen about mid-morning asking for a bottle.  "Why do you need a bottle?"  "Ah mom, I have to pee and the froggy potty is missing.  Sometimes we need to improvisize mommy," repeating his daddy's words.  "Honey, go pee upstairs in the big potty.  You can pee up there and you are NOT in an emergency like the car."  "Says you......"  as he marched out of the room.  I declared uncle a few hours later and un-hid the froggy potty after he didn't go in the big potty, since I didn't want him to get a bladder infection nor did I want to clean up an accident.  Good news was that we did conquered the obstacles of peeing in other places besides in a froggy potty and standing while peeing, well that is, if we carry an empty bottle with us.

You're breaking my nerves!

At the beginning of summer, I declared this summer as the "Summer of FUN!"  For the last few years, we stayed home due to our aspie having such a hard time out in strange areas and around people, but with therapy and being a little older he has shown so much progress that I decided that this summer was going to be different. And so far it has! We have been to two Pirate (MLB) baseball games, to Kennywood (a local amusement park), to the movies and out to eat TWICE!!!  Oh yeah, we have been setting the world on fire.  I have been so proud of my aspie who has done amazing on these adventures, and even though we have some minor meltdowns, for the most part he has concurred these events having tons of fun in the process.  The baby and daddy are also enjoying these fun filled days and as a whole we have had so many memorable family moments.  Of course, by laws of physics for every action there a equal and opposite reaction and Sunday we cashed in on the bad moods and meltdowns!

Everyone knows that when you are around the same person all the time that person for what ever reason gets on your nerves.  You basically just overdosed on the person.  It happened all the time when I was a kid.  I will always remember my good childhood friend who I played with all summer long.  She grew up in the same neighborhood as me and our moms were friends.  We got along great, but every once in a while after spending the nights and days together, we would get in an all out battle royale and need to be separated for a while, only to go back to playing great the next day.  Same thing with your significant other.  Every once in a while their very being is aggravating and you swear they are just breathing weird to get under your skin. Therefore, I shouldn't be surprised that every once in a while our family is going to have one huge meltdown where none of us like each other and the day will be filled with tears, yelling and the occasional bloody nose.

My first hint that the day was not going to go well was when I awoke with a hit in the forehead with a bottle by the baby as he yelled "Milk in!"  And don't think he threw it lightly...oh no!  It was a holding the nipple end hitting me on the forehead with all his might type of hit.  Needless to say he lost the bottle and did not get the milk that he demanded.  This of course led to screaming and thrashing about on the floor for at least ten minutes.  This loud meltdown brought about the waking of my aspie who marched in holding his ears yelling, "Make the baby shut up!!!  What is wrong with this baby?!!"  When the baby didn't stop at my aspie's demands, my aspie went into his own meltdown of screaming and throwing until I had to carry him out of the room.  I was hoping that this would be end of their crying, but I was wrong.  As the morning continued on, the boys were at each other's throats.  One hitting one, which lead to one pinching one, which led to one biting one and so on and so on.  By nine o'clock in the morning I was sick of yelling their names, putting them in time out and hearing the sound of my own voice.  Unfortunately, all of the fighting put my nerves on edge so when my husband made a comment about wishing he was on a remote deserted island I jumped down his throat as if he just called me some horrible name and started an unnecessary war with my hubbie.  And so by 11 am, no one in the house liked each other and the rest of the day was really no better.  After some naps were had and we were a little calmer I thought that maybe we should salvage the day and so my hubs and I came up with a plan that would sure smooth out the bumps and bruises earned earlier.  Our plans were to take the boys to the nearby high school, let them drive their Lighting McQueen car around the high school, go for a walk and end the night with Dairy Queen.  Sounded perfect.

Now is the time for everyone to guess what happened.

1. We went on with the night and had an amazing time coming home hand in hand in Leave it to Beaver manner.
2. We started the night perfectly and ended it with the kids falling asleep on the way home with only minor set backs.
3. Tears started before we left which led to more kicking and screaming and ended with mommy rocking uncontrollably in a dark corner.

 If you chose option 1 or 2, stupid you and stupid daddy and I for thinking it would have went any differently.  Here's what happened.

We got to the high school and got out Lighting McQueen only to have our aspie cry that he couldn't drive him here.  It was not the right race track and no one else was racing.  Concentrating on our aspie I didn't notice that my baby had performed some sort of magic trick with his diaper.  Somehow, his diaper miss every ounce of poo that my baby had just dispensed sending it down his legs and into his shoes.  Unfortunately it was a little loose because I had just found this new fruit called Pluots (plums and apricot mix) which the baby loves but it gave him a little bit of runny bowels.  So as hubby tried to get aspie calmed down I was trying to undress and clean the poop bomb that went off in my baby's short.  By the time I was done with getting the shorts and shirt off of him, he had poop literally everywhere since he kept grabbing everything in the process.  I'm sure the guys playing street hockey loved watching me wiggle and scream "Oh god this is disgusting!" as I wiped him down with every wipe I had in the car.  Luckily I had a plastic bag that I used as a decontamination dump and after a new diapy was applied we headed off to find daddy and aspie who had started to walk around the high school.  They must have took off at a fast pace because after a full half mile lap around the school we still didn't find them.  The whole time the baby was yelling, "Daddy where are you?  Daddy come out?"  hoping to find them hiding behind every tree and waste can we passed. After he couldn't find them he decided the best way to get there attention was by throwing himself down on the ground and releasing a deafening scream.  And actually it did work because out came daddy and aspie wondering what was happening to the baby.  After a few more laps, my aspie had to pee.  Daddy took aspie to some nearby trees to do the duty.  In the meantime, I found some blackberries that I was picking for the fam and didn't notice that the baby had made his own discovery.  A huge mud puddle that had formed for our daily thunderstorms that we have been experiencing.  By the time I made it over, he was sitting in the middle so proud of his discovery covered in mud.  Knowing that I had used every wipe for the previous explosion of poop I let out a oh crap groan and then started to laugh.  My little guy was so happy to be covered in mud and look so cute which is what saved his buttfrom me have a nervous breakdown on the spot.  When my husband saw him he laughed and said, "Load em up!!!  We are getting out of here."  After undressing the small amount of clothing the baby had on, I grab a towel that was in the car and plopped the baby in his car seat.  My aspie hating smells kept commenting that the baby smelled like a toot and his normal "what is wrong with him" comment.  Leaving the high school I was determined to carry out every task we set out to do so I headed to the Dairy Queen to get us some ice cream.  On the way, our aspie couldn't take the smell and threw something at the baby which cause the baby to cry, actually it was more screaming.  By this point, I had lost it.  I was getting ice cream and that was that, and this was going to make them happy, case closed.  Instead, what happened was me screaming over the baby to place my drive thru order, then my husband yelling at everyone to calm down because people were looking, which cause me to yell "Who cares!", which cause my aspie to lose it yelling to us about how we all are "BREAKING HIS NERVES!!!"  "Followed by "YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT FAMILY!!"  By the time the nice attendant handed us our ice cream everyone was screaming or crying and my aspie was continuously chanting the previous stated remarks.  She gave us this glad I'm not you look and hurriedly gave me my change.  As we drove away, our aspie yet again yelled "You don't know about family!" which led my husband to now lose it.  "Listen here buddy, your mother and I created this family and we can end it just as quickly if you don't stop it!"  Funny now, but at that moment it calmed us all down.  The next statement that he made announced for me to go to his parents house for some help with the troops.  When we pulled in, aspie headed for the house to go to "his room" where he watched some movies, hubs headed up on the hill for some quiet time, baby headed for his pappy to get some snuggles and I sat in the car like some kind of shock therapy victim.  My mother-in-law not knowing what just pulled into her drive way walked up and said "Ummm, you okay."  "Yep, I'm just going to sit here and eat my ice cream if that's okay." 

And that's pretty much how our day ended.  We broke aspies nerves and he decided to spend the night at pappy and nannie (which means a few extra hours without us because he never makes it all through the night), the baby clung to pappy until he pretty much fell asleep in his arms and the hubs and I kept to ourselves. 

After we got home and got the kids into bed, my husband came into the living room laughing.  "What?" I said curious.  "Can you believe that kid said we don't know about family and that we are breaking his nerves?  Where does he get that stuff?"  I laughed.  I too was wondering the same.  I guess not all days are going to be filled with rainbows and butterflies but I sure hope that we have a long break before we have another day like that...I don't think my aspies nerves can take it....lol!

Oh the lies we tell!!

Any parent knows that there are times where one must tell a little white lie.  It happens.  We as parents do this so that our little ones don't have to immense themselves into the crappy, hard reality of adulthood.  For instance, when I was a child I had a bird name Peppy.  I still think Peppy is at the vets trying to get better from a cold, when in reality Peppy was tossed in the dumpster at my Dad's work when he found him feet up one morning.  And honestly, I am happy my parents told me that because I so loved that bird.  So when I get caught in those not so nice moments when I know that the reality is going to cause my little ones pain...yep, I reach out and grab onto a little white lie.  This was all well in good until my aspie got a little older and a lot smarter!

I have mentioned before that my aspie loves trains.  I need to express though that it's not just a I'm in a train phase, it's more of a I have train on the brain 24/7 type of love.  Therefore, you can imagine that we have our fair share of trains around our house.  The fact of the matter is that its pretty much the only type of toy, besides the occasional truck, that my aspie plays with, so we have tons of trains.  Luckily the baby loves trains too, which I still don't know if its because his big brother does or its because he genuinely likes them too.  Either way, my main point is to have you imagine mountains of trains in our residence.  So you would think that if one or two go missing due to them being broke my aspie wouldn't notice.  Oh, then you and I (being that I thought the same thing) would be wrong.

 I have done a little purging of toys before Santa comes or before birthdays, but I have never touched the trains.  Something told me then not to touch them...almost a gut reaction, females intuition maybe telling me, "STOP, don't do that!"  But on one particular day of wide spread cleaning my momentum overtook my intuition, and a few trains got the toss.  And they needed tossed. They had broken couplings, broken faces, or no wheels.  Virtually unrecognizable, I swear.  And I have noticed them not playing with these trains either, so I figured no harm, no foul.  Oh was I wrong.

Apparently, my aspie felt the force shift when the trash left the house that day.  He walked into our dining/train room and started playing.  I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready when he walked in with a very serious face.  "Mommy, I have to ask you?  (This is how he starts nearly all conversations that are not scripted.)  I can't find my trains."  I felt my muscles tighten almost instantly when I heard him say that.  The same way you feel when you got caught sneaking out as a teenager.  That "Oh Shit" moment.  "Oh really, just keep looking, I'm sure you will find them honey."  I know, I know, I probably should have told him the truth right then and there...but I couldn't.  I thought he wouldn't notice.  I thought I would get away with it.  I thought wrong!  So, he shuffled off to keep looking for his trains and I started coming up with some sort of lie to cover up what I had done.  I was sweating...literally.  I knew he would be back, I just knew it.  And he was...about fifteen minutes later.

"Mommy, I have to ask you something.  I have looked everywhere and can't find Thomas with no wheels, Gordon with the broken couplings and James with the cracked face.  I can't find them anywhere."  "Oh really honey, do you still play with those broken trains?"  "Those are my parts trains mommy!!  Like Pap-pap builds trains!!!  I need those for parts!!!"  And those three sentences I heard over and over again for the next half hour to hour, even though I told him my well rehearsed lie of them being at the train doctors getting over a cold.  I tried this lie thinking that if it worked once, it would work again.  It didn't.  Not even for a second.  "Mommie, trains aren't people or animals.  They don't get colds.  They don't have doctors, they have engineers.  My trains are not at the doctors!"  I kid you not, that was his response that he told me without blinking an eye or missing a beat.  I was had.  I had to tell him the truth, and it was worse than trying to get out of any trouble I might had got in when I was young.  I had to out myself to my 4 year old.  "Honey, I threw out your trains because they were broken and I thought you didn't play with them anymore."  That is what sent him into the repeating rant that he went into for the next hour and night. 

After a night full of apologies, I was laying down with my aspie to go to bed and he said, "Mommy, remember the time you threw my trains away?"  "Yes, honey I do."  "You should have asked me first like I have to ask you."  "Yes, honey you are right.  And I have learned my lesson and next time I will ask you."  It was at that moment that I was again reminded that I don't have your typical four year that you can sneak one past.  I have an aspie that will call me out on everything.  And my aspie had to remind me that the truth is the best policy...and if I didn't get away with it with my parents....I won't get away with it with my kids either!!! 

**Ross-s-Run has a date and location!  We will be racing on October 19 at Cedar Creek Park in Westmoreland County, PA.  Please check it out on www.ross-s-run.com!  And swing by on Facebook and like us at www.facebook.com/rosssrun and www.facebook.com/bipolaraspergersandmargaritas! 

It's a Brain thang...

The mind is a beautiful thing.  It's such an amazing organ, with a complexity that is still not fully understood by the top scientist.  Strange, isn't it.  What makes us run, what controls every part of your body is still yet understood.  That in itself is astonishing.  What is even more perplexing is when the mind doesn't work and perform exactly as it is intended to do.  When it undergoes some problem, illness or abnormality, odd goings on occur that can be down right scary.  Issues like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and strokes can cause the individual not to be able to control their thoughts, their body and the even their present day experiences in the world.  This is horrible.  Unthinkable really.  My biggest fear is to develop one of these conditions, because I can't imagine what life would be like suffering like that.  It wasn't until the other day, when my husband was struggling with a low period from his bipolar that I realized that conditions like bipolar, depression and other mental health conditions are no different, they are scary and the person who suffers is no different than any other "sick" person.  Not wanting it, or even asking for it, yet having to deal with it. 

For some reason, society is a big bully to those who suffer from mental illness.  Crazy, difficult, lazy, rude, odd.....these are all labels that we use when we describe people that have mental illness.  I have even heard people in the medical field describe people that have depression or bipolar in their medical chart as being "going to be a pain in their ass"  or "great, another psycho."  Now don't get me wrong, we use the word "crazy" around here to describe my husband, our house, etc, but what I am talking about is that preconceived discrimination towards someone who suffers from these conditions.  When you think about it, you don't hear of the 5K walk for the cure of depression, of the Gala for Bipolar, like you do for Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and yes even Asperger's and Autism, a brain issue.  Why?  What's the dillio?  Why is there a stigma with this?  I think its because the illness is not visible in a sense and those that suffer from mental health can be a little difficult to live with.  For instance, sometimes those people with these issues are nothing short of being assholes.  They can be mean, hateful, stressful, jerks who seem like they care about nothing but themselves, or they do horrible things, or they say despicable things and in essence act crazy.  I get it, trust me.  And so, I can understand why we as a society don't want to be so kind with something like mental health.  But on the flip side, they do have a condition/syndrome/disease that is causing their brain to miss-fire.  Is that an excuse for their behavior...sort of.  If your head is not producing enough happy juice, "serotonin" then you are not going to be happy.  The end.  So, therefore, you are not going to by "happy" with others.  It would be nothing different then telling someone with the food poisoning to stop throwing up.  They can't.  They can't control it, and neither can someone with depression or any other thing.  But when you throw up, you clean it up and its over.  But when something is said or done, it's hard to undo.  And its harder to excuse someone for things done when they can function most of the time in their day to day lives or at least survive on their own.  When a person shakes uncontrollable or doesn't know their own son when they walk into the room, that is much more excusable and understandable.  It's more constant and the suffering is visible, tangible.  Depression is not like that, nor many other mental health issues.


I write this tonight because I feel bad.  I feel bad because when we are in the middle of not so nice times, I get so mad at my husband.  I hate what is happening and I want him to stop it.  I want him to be happy.  Why can't you just be happy, I think to myself so much.  And often times, I forget that sometimes, he honestly can't control it.  That I am sure that no one in their right mind would want to feel like that.  And then I feel bad that my husband for so long wanted no one to know that he has bipolar and for years before that wondered why he was the way he was.  I feel bad for those who I know need to get help but don't want that label on them as being "sad" or "depressed" or anything else.  People are going without help just to avoid what people think of them.  That's horrible.

My husband is a great man.  I tend not to write about him as much as I should because I'm a beaming mom of two-cute-as-can-be boys who wants to talk about her kids.  But I need to write more about him to help people understand that bipolar, much like autism, is just one aspect of our lives.  It's not pretty, but it's our reality.  And maybe if I share the funny things he says, or the things that happen to him during his day, it will help to take away the stigma that is attached to mental health diseases.  It will help people to not hear the terms, "depression," "bipolar," or "manic" and think....oh shit, its another wack job.  Instead to realize that these people are your co-workers, your family members or your friends.  You might know someone with these diseases right now.  Maybe instead, when they hear these diseases they will get a strange craving for a margarita......and that would be awesome!!!

Run, Run, Run we Go!

My aspie loves to run.  He has since he could walk!  He can run non-stop for hours, and I am not exaggerating with that.  Many people have commented on seeing my son run that they had no clue that a little one could run the way my guy runs.  It nothing more than remarkable.  I still don't know why he loves it so much, whether its the freedom, the burning off of energy, the whooshing of air over his body, or blocking out the rest of the world, but it does something to him that makes him go, and go and go. 

The other day, while we as a family were out taking a stroll, my aspie and I started to run.  During the run I had two ideas pop in my head.  1.  I have got to get into shape!  2.  We should have a 5K race in honor of my big boy!  The next day, I pitched the idea on Facebook and after getting a great response a charity was born.  With five other awesome women and my husband, we have created a 501 (c) 3, non-profit charity called:   Ross-s-Run!  We will be holding a 5K race, 5K walk/run, and a kids fun run were all proceeds will be going to the purchase of iPads for children on the autism spectrum.

If you are not aware, iPads are an amazing tool for children on the spectrum.  Children who cannot talk can use an app on the iPad that allows them to tap a certain button and speak through their iPad.  Children like my son who have Asperger's can learn how to make eye-contact and learn other social cues from other apps.  Actually, there are so many educational and autistic apps out there that most therapists, teachers and families have started using them with outstanding success.  For more information please watch the video below.



And so, I wanted to announce the launch of Ross-s-Run  tonight on this blog!!!  Please visit www.ross-s-run.com for more information about the event, about who we are and what we are trying to accomplish, to donate (if you don't live by us in the beautiful Southwestern, PA area), to find the application if you would like to apply, and to learn about all the other fun stuff that we will being doing on race day!!  We are also on Facebook at www.facebook.com/rosssrun if you want to stop by there and throw us a like!!  The more people who learn about this, the more money we can raise and the more families we can help!!!! 

Thank you so much for stopping by to read this blog.  It always amazes me how many people read it from all the countries around the world (I'm up to over 40 different countries!)  When more information comes available about Ross-s-Run I will post it under my normal blogs post to keep everyone informed!  Thank again!!

Cheeseburgers and Dipolar

I knew that the day would come when my aspie would begin to talk about him having Asperger's.  That day came a few nights ago during a monumental occasion that occurred that made his dad and I very, very proud.  I also knew exactly what to do when that moment would come based on my own experiences thanks to my parents.

I am adopted.  I have known that fact for as long as I can remember.  My parents decided when they adopted me to never keep it a secret; to always make it a non-issue and to let me ask questions about it over the years as I grew and became more curious.  For me, it's was exactly what I needed.  I remember my mom sitting me on the counter when I was around 5 or 6 and telling me that I was special.  I was special because I was a gift like no other because she and dad could not have children, yet another woman was so kind that she gave me to them.  It was called adoption and that they had adopted me.  I remember going to my friend's sleep over that night so excited to tell my friends my new found nugget of information!  They ewww'ed and awwww'ed over it and then we went back to little girl sleep over stuff.  As the year's went on I did have more questions and they were always them answered honestly and respectfully, and I truly appreciate it to this day.  I can't imagine figuring it out later in life or hearing people whisper around me about some family secret.  Instead, we took it on as our truth and would even have a little family laugh when people told us how much I looked like my mom or dad.  So I knew when my aspie started asking questions or would make a comment that my husband and I would do the same thing for our special gift. 

From the many first person books I have read about living with Asperger's this day was going to come sooner than later.  All these books described  people with this syndrome knowing that they were different from other kids as early as they could remember.  Each stated that they played differently, talked differently, or tried desperately to have friends and therefore realized that they themselves were a bit different.  Each of them said that they realized this around the age of 4, so I knew we were right there knocking on the door of self discovery.  This moment occurred with us verbally though the other night when my son drank from a DIFFERENT GLASS than his normal one!!

Sometimes I feel bad for all the parents out there with "neuro-typical" kids.  They miss out on some amazing, joyous occasions that call for cheers and applause.  You see, in a house with a child with autism, the day that your son can put on his shorts on by himself (at the age of 4, 5, 6, 7...), finally pees on the potty (at the age of 4, 5, 6, 7.....), or drinks from a different glass than the only one he could possibly drink from before is a HUGE occasion.  My aspie usually only drinks out of a Minnie mouse glass I got from Disney when I was six or so.  He does not like the textures of other glasses and will use sippy cups other places, but here its this glass.  AND only juice can go in this glass, nothing, and I do mean nothing else.  But the other night, my aspie ate something spicy.  He did it by accident and his mouth was on fire.  He ran into the kitchen and grabbed my glass of lemonade on the counter and didn't even think of the fact that he was drinking out of something different.  When I realized it, I said, "I'm so proud of you!!! You are drinking our of a new glass!!!!"  He stopped, looked, smiled and said, "I'm going to show Daddy!!!"  And with that he went running into the living room to do it for Daddy.  We hooted and cheered and he ran out of lemonade.  We went and got him more and did this a few more times admiring the pride on his face.  On yet another trip to the kitchen for more lemonade, he said, "Mommy, you are a silly dipolar!"  A what?  "A dipolar" he said again.  "Do you mean bipolar?"  I asked.  "Yeah, a dipolar like daddy!"  And with that I knew he was hearing and picking up on what Daddy and I have been talking about.  See, in this house we use these terms all the time.  Between this blog, the Facebook page (www.facebook.com/bipolaraspergersandmargaritas please like...I couldn't resist), and therapy these terms are heard and used all the time.  Seeing my opportunity I asked, "Honey, do you know you are special?"  "Yes, I know, I have Cheeseburgers!"  "Well, it's called Asperger's and yes you do have it.  You know what that means?"  "What?" still squirming with excitement from his new found glass.  I took his face in my hands, looked him in the eye and said, "It means that you are special because you are very smart and can run very fast!! It means that you are a gift to Daddy and I."  "He said, "Can I have another glass of lemonade?"  and with that the moment was over.  But it did show that he does know.  He does hear us talk.  And for right now, that it fine.  As he grows and has more questions, his father and I will answer them honestly and respectfully. 

Thanks Dad for being a great father!  Your special gift now knows exactly what to do with her special gift!!  For that I am "Eternally Grateful"  (from Toy Story 2.) 

Amazing Teachers....

Even though my aspie is only four years old, he has been in daycare/pre-school since he was six months old and hence we have had the opportunity to meet and have many teachers. Some of them were good, some of them bad and some of them amazing.  The uniquely amazing teachers have the ability to completely transform a child's school experience and therefore I wanted to expand and give tribute to these teachers that did that for my child. 

As my aspie began to get older, it was apparent that he was struggling with his school experience.  I can't tell you how many times I went to the owner/head teachers' office over my son.  Many times breaking into tears because I just knew my sweet son was so different when he was at home vs being at school, worrying that something was wrong.  At that point, my aspie was around 2 years old and I was just hoping it was a terrible two issue.  It was right around this time that we met Miss Trish.  Miss Trish is a beautiful, tall young lady with long brown hair and one of the prettiest smiles you have ever seen.  I knew Miss Trish was going to be good with my aspie the first time she met him.  On their first meeting, Miss Trish knelt down on his level to say hi to him.  She stayed with him until he was comfortable and took him away to play without too much crying.  It wasn't long until my son starting running towards Miss Trish when he saw her and would leap into her arms and she would swing him around.  To me they had an unspeakable connection that I haven't seen him have with anyone else besides his father, my dad and myself.  She seemed to innately understand what made my aspie upset and would stop it before it happened.  She also allowed my son to RUN!!!  He has to run to get out some extra energy and she let him do it!  My son loved her so much that we even asked her on many occasions to baby sit for us since she is the only one that my son would stay with....and he loved to see her come!  If we could have afforded for her to be a live in nanny for us, I would offered her the moon for her to do it!  She is that good.

His next teacher was Miss Nicole.  Oh Miss Nicole!  Miss Nicole is a gorgeous, petite, pixie cut brunette that has more spunk than a stick of dynamite.  She has so much energy that its infection to the kids.  My son was three when he had her and she got to do things that I still can't accomplish.  With Miss Nicole he began to write and use the scissors, make crafts and follow rules.  (He started doing this with Miss Trish and continued it with Miss Nicole.)  It was apparent that my son again was having some issues and Miss Nicole would try things until something worked for him.  He loved going to school and would talk about Miss Nicole all the time.  He still remembers the planets that she taught him, and still tells me that water makes plants grow and Miss Nicole told him that.  Miss Nicole pretty much ran the daycare/preschool that he was attending at that time and when she left for greener pastures, the school felt it deeply.  After she left, numerous teachers came and went none of them remotely came close to the care that Miss Trish or Miss Nicole gave to my son and hence it was time to change schools. 

Now enters Miss Melissa.  Talk about amazing.  Miss Melissa can light up any room that she walks into with her smile and laugh.  My son was extremely nervous going to this new school and so was I.  I knew that for my son this switch was going to be hard on him and I just didn't know what to expect.  But Miss Melissa has that loving mom touch that made me comfortable leaving my crying child with her.  It took some time for my apsie to warm up to the new school, but not to Miss Melissa.  I knew that he liked her when he would accidentally call me Miss Melissa, and would refer to her as his "mommy at school." Miss Melissa was also a big part of our lives because she was the one to point out that he might have something like Asperger's, has helped us in obtaining treatment and has been there ever step of the way through the process.  (Looking back, I have a feeling Miss Trish and Miss Nicole knew this too but he was too young to really say for sure when they had him.)

I have expressed before that my son has only a few people that he really talks to and trusts.  Us, my dad, and these three teachers are on this very short list.  To this day, my aspie still talks about Miss Trish and Miss Nicole even though its been a year and a half since he has seen them.  Miss Melissa of course he talks about nearly everyday given that he sees her two times a week. I wanted to honor them tonight because these three woman have been a big part of my son's life and have allowed him to learn, develop and nurture him outside of our care.  To prove my point on how much my son is attached to them, here are some quotes from my aspie (quotes are not word for word but this is what he meant, for some of them his wording was still lacking due to some speech issues and age):

• Oh you poor darling....you hurt your piggy.  You need a Band-Aid. Do you want me to kiss it?  (Talking to Miss Melissa when she hurt her foot.)
• Miss Trish runs fast like Dash (from The Incredibles).  I love when Miss Trish runs with me.
• Miss Nicole said that I was a good boy today.  Did you know that mommy?
• Miss Nicole sings the clean up song.  (And he still sings it today when he has to clean up his train in order to earn a movie. I think its from Barney which my son likes.)
• Miss Trish plays trains mommy.  Will you play trains with me?
• Miss Melissa is my mommy at school and I love her. 
• Can Miss Trish come over tonight?  (When I said no he said)  Then can I go to school to play with her?  (It was seven at night.)
• Mommy can you put your legs over me?  (While trying to fall asleep one night.)  Miss Trish does and it makes me feel so much better.
• I miss Miss Trish and Miss Nicole.  (He said one day when we passed his old school, followed by) But I don't miss that place!
• If Miss Trish lived with us would she be my other mommy?  (I asked why Miss Trish would live with us and he said) Because then we can play trains and run together. 

Coming from a boy that was mostly talking in movie quotes and is too shy to talk to most people (including his other grandparents) these quotes are a big deal.  Thank you so much for being amazing teachers.  You have made a big impact on my family and for that we are forever grateful to you!  On those hard days just remember that you might have a little aspie in your class that thinks the world of you, even if he can't show it in the "normal" ways.  For all your hard work, dedication, and love that you have given all kids, not just mine, I say, Thank You and the next margarita is on me!!!

***Please feel free to add you amazing teacher stories in the comments tab!  I would love to hear of the teachers that inspired you or your kids!!  You can add your stories here or on my Facebook page!!***

Tootie Butt

Aspie saw this picture and said, "Is that a tootie butt?"

For a long period of time, my aspie hated passing gas.  When I say hating it, I mean if it happened he would scream and cry and run out of the room as if his behind was on fire.  I could never figure out why something so harmless as a fart would cause such grief and agony to my little man.  Each time I would chase after him thinking that maybe something hurt, maybe he had to do a little more than toot, or just to comfort him after such a dreadful event occurred. It wasn't until he was a little older did we realize why he hated doing it.

As you could probably already tell, my family and this blog for that matter is not so PC.  To go a little further, my husband (and me, I have to admit) thinks that blowing wind is pretty funny.  We all do it, its a natural bodily act and therefore it really should not be that funny, but there is something about the unpredictability of it, the variability of the noise produced, and lets face it, those dreadful smells that make it funny.  Not to mention the whole family of lingo that goes with it makes it all the more amusing.  Let's see, there's crop dusting, silent bombs, toot, mouse on a motorcycle, the duck call, the Dutch oven, the bathtub fart, the burning brakes fart, the snart (sneeze fart), and the oh my gosh fart just to name a few.  To be honest, I didn't even realize that there was such a diction to passing gas until, of course, I met my husband.  I am guessing that this jargon is tossed around the Army bases and man caves pretty frequently, but escapes those girly things that us women do and hence we miss out on. Therefore, with my new found knowledge of toots, and with my husbands natural loving of the occurrence, if someone passes gas in our house, we think its sort of funny. 

For most families, a little laughing with farting would not be a problem; however, if you son happens to have Asperger's and you laugh in their direction, its a major deal.  For my son, any attention where laughing is occurring towards him can cause a major meltdown.  Even if its a little chuckle, it's too much for my aspie to bare.  Why?  Because it's unwanted attention.  Since one of his biggest fears is people looking at him, to look at him and then to laugh "at him" is pretty much a form of abuse in his eyes.  When he got older and could talk, he finally started yelling, "Stop laughing!!  I have had ENOUGH of you!"  We would often times just say to him, "We can laugh.  We are not laughing at you.  We are just laughing because it was funny."  This would not change anything, he would still scream and run.  To him, I think our explanation of laughing sounded like the adults in Peanuts, just some squeaky noises that form no real words and so he didn't understand it. 

Now in most "neuro-typical" families, if your kid does not find it funny that you laugh at his farts, you still laugh and move on living your life typically.  In a family with someone with autism, you obsess, or at least this mom obsesses.  I just wanted my kid to enjoy the silly things in life.  Life can be so serious, that sometimes the unpredictable event, like a toot, can just lighten it up a bit.  Plus, there are many things we do daily that are silly.  The baby walked into a glass sliding door the other day...it was funny, he laughed with us.  I slipped in the mud and fell and laughed with the kids.  If he can't get use to us laughing all together, and more so when he does somewhat embarrassing but funny, then that is a social problem.  So, mommy took action. 

Have you ever heard of the peanut butter jelly time song?  If not, play the clip below to get yourself familiar with it.  It's this crazy song that gets stuck in your head for days on end.  This song was popular when my aspie was 1 or so, and so I would sing it to him when we were about to do simple tasks like taking a bath (It's peanut butter tubby time), when we were eating, (It's peanut butter snacky time), and many other silly things.  Therefore, he was very familiar with the song and it is one of the very few songs that I can sing without him having a catastrophic meltdown.  So, in desperate times, I reach for this song and use it.  And so, mommy, being the amazing song writer that I am, wrote the now infamous song in the house of crazies, "Peanut butter tootie butt." I was waiting for the perfect time to release this single, so when Daddy did the deed one night at dinner I saw my opportunity.  "Daddy you have a tootie butt! It's Peanut butter tootie butt, peanut butter tootie butt, peanut butter, tootie, peanut butter, tootie, peanut butter tootie with a baseball bat!"  I sung it like it was the best and funniest thing ever. We ALL started laughing, including my aspie, who said, "Do it again Daddy."  Just so happened that he needed to do it again, and so I sung it again.  My aspie laughed and laughed with the rest of us.  Although he requested yet another on coir, Daddy didn't have it in him and so the moment passed.

A few days passed and I could hear my asie sing something in a muffle.  "What are you singing honey?"  I asked.  "I have a tootie butt he exclaimed!"  "Oh really" I said, gigging to myself.  A little time passed and I heard what he was talking about.  "Mommy did you hear that!  That's my peanut butter tootie butt!" "That's cool honey, that's totally cool."

Of course all things good can backfire, as does the tootie butt song.  In Walmart, and thank God it was Walmart, our baby started passing some gas.  My aspie, in his adult like monotone voice proclaimed, "Our baby has a tootie butt" and proceeded to sing the song.  As yet again I rushed the cart down the isle to escape the many stares and silent giggles that followed.  In our escape I decided that the next thing I need to instill in my aspie are the things that we do at home vs the things we do in public.  Oh boy....
  

Words Hurt

Words can be powerful.  Good, bad, funny, silly, mean; whatever, if they are used properly, even unknowingly, they can be stronger than muscle.  This I have known for a while.  Not just from being a mom of a kid that doesn't fit into the "normal" mold, but from just living life.  If someone makes a snide comment about you, life moves on.  When someone makes a snide comment about your partner, you get a little more upset but you brush it off.  You make a comment about my kid, its harder to get over, and if it happens to be the one with autism, yeah its that much harder. 

Today we had to take the baby to an ears, nose and throat (ent) doctor to see if he would need to have tubes put into his ears.  My husband and my aspie went along to support the baby and to hear what the doctor had to say.  It is at this point normal ends.

You see here is a little dirty secret that I can't remember if I have ever shared before.  My aspie still uses a bottle.  Yes, he is four.  Yes, I know it can hurt his teeth.  Yes, I know that there are probably a million other reasons why he shouldn't do it, but there are a few reasons we still let him use it.  One, it something that soothes him down during times of anxiety or meltdowns.  Nothing else works, but with this he can calm down by himself.  Another reason is if he does not get it during one of these times, he rubs his thumb nail into his palm so hard that he causes himself to bleed.  Although he will still do it when he has a bottle, it does lighter so that no bleeding occurs.  Yet another reason is because he has a tendency to bite, actually its a bad tendency.  Sometimes for no reason he bites and if other things do not take away that urge, he gets the bottle.  So there you have it, our life with a bottle.  Oh, and yes the baby (2 year old) still gets one too.  Monkey see monkey do.  My husband and I have settled into the fact that our sons will need braces and oh well.  Its better than plastic surgery for bite scars and injuries. 

Today then, when we went to the ent, my aspie had a bottle.  It was a new place with strange people but I wanted him to go to get used to new things thrown into our days.  Its our new goal for this summer.  Exposure and try new things.  When the doctor came in to see the baby, he didn't take two steps into the room and he said.  "How old are you?" to my aspie.  My aspie surprising answered back "4."  I was happily surprised my aspie talked to him, but then I heard the words, "Aren't you too old for that bottle?"  I saw my hubbies face turn instantly angry and I said calmly because it honestly happens all the time to us at the store that is not Walmart, "My son has Asperger's syndrome.  This helps."  Usually I say my son has autism but today with a doctor I figured he knew what the diagnosis of Asperger's entails.  He had the same face that most people get after you say that.  That foot in mouth face with a stuttering of words that come afterwards.  The rest of the appointment went on just fine with the news that on Thursday our little man will get tubes in. 

When we got to the car, my husband was upset with the doctor for what he said to our oldest.  His reasoning is that our aspie already has social issues.  Making him feel even more unusual or different or odd is not the goal, and it coming from someone in the medical field who most likely sees odd things everyday should know to hold his tongue, especially to a little kid.  And honestly I get that.  And if I think about it too much I get upset.  Do I not think about it, no, I still do but in an odd sort of way.  I have that Let'em Look tude.

We are a society that judges.  Its the truth.  See a person with a million tattoos, you look twice, or even stare uncontrollably.  See someone in a wheelchair, you look.  See someone with pink hair, ya look, I know you do.  See someone with enough jewelry on to be a Mr T impersonator you look.  Why?  It's not the norm.  The standard norm in today's society is that they get rid of the bottle at 1 year because that's what's right for kids that fit that cookie cutter mold.  Mine does not, so people stare and make comments.  With all this craze about bullying, you would think that people would be more aware to not say things but they are not.  How is bullying different from judging others?  It's not.  It's the same.  A grown man pointed out my son's differences today in a snide comment way.  Judging/bullying.  But I think.... do it.  I will be there to ensure my son knows that he is amazing. If you tear him down, I will build him back up and make him a better man for doing so.  I will ensure that he knows that he doesn't need other peoples approval to have self-confidence.  He just needs to love himself.  That's my ideal anyway.  Here's why I think that.

I see kids everyday that deal with so many issues and struggles, far more severe than drinking a bottle or being socially awkward.  Some that I know will not be on this earth to see there 16, 18, 21st birthday, and you know what...those are the kids that have the most confidence.  They let people stare, and don't care and you know why?  It's because they know what other people think is the small stuff.  That their tough life has taught them to let the small stuff like that roll off their backs and to concentrate on the good positive in life.  To live your life how you see ifit to live it and if other people don't approve or don't like it, too bad. 

Do I worry if my kids fit the "norm."  Oh yeah!  I do many times, especially before my aspie's diagnosis.  But then I started hearing other mom's dirty secrets of letting their kids sleep with them, of their ten year old still sleeping with a blankie ,of letting their kids not bathe for three to four days in a row and I think to myself, oh yeah no one is the "norm."  We have the what we tell others and what we actually do.  What we tell people fits and what we do might not.  So here's my advice.  Do what you can to be the best possible parent for your specific situation.  And if you see something different, go ahead and look, because hell if I can stop you.  And if you see the house of crazies coming your way....have some Silk milk ready to pour into my aspie's bottle....and maybe some margaritas for mine.  :)

**Jerry Update.  I posted on Bipolar, Asperger's and Margaritas Facebook page that Jerry the hamster had a accident and broke his leg.  He is still doing okay and is eating and drinking well today.  We are hoping he pulls through.  Aspie is very concerned and being a good nurse to his beloved patient!***