I bet you don't have play dough in your keyboard.

I had the most interesting conversation with a computer tech lady on the phone last night.  I called because for three days our notebook only had a white screen, nothing else.  Of course though when finally made the call to costumer support the computer came on, apparently just needing some time to rest and the threat of a call.  I continued the call anyways though because the computer was still not working properly.  When  I finally got through to someone, she started to ask me all of the normal technical questions that most support teams ask such as, "what is the issue" and "did you try this or that?"  Finally, she tried to walk me through a few fixes that I could perform to see if that helped my computer.  "Ma'am, could you please hit ctl-alt-del?"  I started laughing as I said, "Nope, can't do that one."  "Excuse me," she said.  "My delete button doesn't work, as well as that hold side of the computer like the number pad, and such."  "Oh, okay" she said.  "Well, can you hit the window button and esc at the same time?"  "Nope, can't do that one either," I said.  I have play dough in my escape key and I can't press that, and my son took off the windows button, so no luck there either."  "Ma'am, not to sound rude, but maybe I should ask you what does work" she stated while laughing.  "Yeah, that would probably be easier!"  I replied giggling back.  And so I explained to her that I can hit any letter key, the numbers above the letter and some function buttons and that's all. "I have quite an active son that can be rough with the computer," I said matter of factly. I didn't want to go into the details of why my son was active and so rough with my computer.  Of how he didn't think the Windows flag button should be on the computer since it wasn't a letter or number and removed it thinking he was being my big boy helper.  How the play dough was smashed into the keyboard to make his own keyboard imprint.  And how the latest incident occurred when he couldn't bring up a video of trains he wanted so he threw it across the room.  "I'd guess your son is rough on it since you computer is only a year old.  My goodness" she said.  After some more laughs, we decided that maybe my computer should just be sent in to have it looked at since I purchased the all-inclusive warranty when I bought it knowing my aspie's love of technology then...and his meltdowns. 

After my phone conversation, my husband and I had started taking about all the techno things that live a rough life in our house, given the fact that our son loves and obsesses about that kind of stuff.  My 4 year old has the hardest time writing, drawing, and even HATES coloring but working the tablet is not a problem.  In fact, I had to change the password on our Kindle twice since he cracked it once and bought himself $60.00 worth of Charlie Brown videos.  (And in case you are ever looking for an episode, please contact me.  We literally own every one now thanks to our aspie's little spending spree.)  He can work the notebook and my smart phone.  And yes, he knows the in and outs of the child locks and blocks on those as well which I have to change often.  And when he can't get on something, or his time is up on a certain device, a meltdown happens that usually entails the throwing or hiding of the device.  Of course we work constantly on this, and it is happening less and less now, but it still does happen.  And as my husband and I were talking about this,  I was reminded of another blogger who was writing about his son, who also had autism, and who threw a remote against his 72' TV smashing the screen, being the most expensive thing to date his son broke/smashed.  People started replying to his post with other things their kids smashed, which included things like blenders, windshields, computers, dvds, video games consoles, etc.  I kept thinking, yup, I can see my aspie doing that.  Not that I want him to, but knowing that meltdowns can come in a blink of the eye, I can see it happening.  And so, after I was telling my husband of the TV incident this other family had to endure we decided that okay, so our computer has play dough and missing keys, but it at least it wasn't a 72" flat screen TV.  And if some day it is a TV, well then I guess we will cross that bridge then, and I am sure I will be blogging about it with a large pitcher of margaritas at my side! 

There will be days like these

Yesterday I had a rough day.  Nothing happened to my boys or my husband, but I had to face the hard reality that my aspie along with my husband and I have a long road ahead of us and this weighted heavily on my heart.  The reason all of this was brought to my attention was because I had to meet with the local behavioral health clinic to obtain in home therapy for our kiddo. 

We have been trying to receive a behavior and therapeutic therapist for our autistic son since his diagnosis, and although it seems easy enough, there are many hoops of fire to jump through in order for an insurance company, or medical assistance to finally see a need for these therapies.  I was so excited when we finally received the notice that he was eligible, that a meeting was schedule to pick a team of specialist and that we were finally going to obtain a case manager for our aspie that when the time finally came I marched in the building ready to get the ball rolling.  I had no clue that I would be leaving in nearly tears due to the process, not because of the people or the procedures, but because I basically had to tattle-tell on my little four year old.

Although our aspie has been taking many awesome steps of improvement this summer, we still many struggles behind close doors (and for that matter out in public) that we need help combating.  We still have major temper tantrums, still hit, still don't play that great with others, still have eating issues, etc, etc, and yesterday I had to detail all of them to show a final proof of need in front of our new case manager and a county representative for our region.  At the beginning of our two hour meeting, our sweet case manager made the comment to not feel bad for the questions that he was going to ask, that I need to be as honest as possible.  I had no clue though what it was going to feel like to basically complain and rat out my lil man on his behavior, struggles, issues, and everything in between.  I had to tell them about how he has taken an interested in lighters, in aerosol cans and pill bottles and that we have closets and cabinets locked up like a penitentiary.  That he has run away from our home when I said no to something, which made us install locks keeping us locked IN our own home.  That he still does not understand car danger or running away from us in public and that, yes on occasion I have lost him in a store because a loud noise scared him.  How I had to tackle him one day because I couldn't get him to stop banging his head against the wall, and that getting dressed in the mornings is like going to war with a four year old ninja warrior.  By the end of it, I could hardly hold back the tears of pure sadness that I had for my amazingly loving son, who is the smartest and sweetest four year old I know. 

When I reached my car I called my husband and father to tell them that we were accepted for in home therapy and I couldn't wait for it to start, but they both immediately picked up in my voice that I was depressed.  They both explained that this was for the best.  That this was going to help all of us, and of course I knew this, but it still didn't help the fact that I had to play through all of those things we struggle with on a daily basis.  For some reason it felt like I could no longer hold the weighted of the world on my shoulders and I just got so tired that I honestly went home and went to bed for a few hours.  When I woke up I still felt so sad, but I kicked myself in the butt and took my aspie to my dad's house because he had been asking to go and visit.  It honestly was the best thing I could of done, because I got to watch my lil man play with chalk outside, laughing and talking with his pap.  It's what I needed to see; the smile on my guy's face to let me know that we are fine.  That I am sure I will have breaking days were it will all seem overwhelming.  I mean, we all have moments of weakness, right?  I hope so!  But in the end, you move on.  Really, there is no other option, but what I mean is when I woke up today, I woke up with a new determination to take on yet another day with optimism and promise.  I will not let myself wollow in self pity for to long when I do have those weak days, because that is not fair to my aspie, my husband, nor the baby.  It's only fair to be happy and be there for them.  And so today...is a brand new day!

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