Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Cabin Fever!!!

My husband and I have been married for five years, and have been together going on eight years, so I have become accustomed to his seasonal routines to say the least.  My husband reacts to the seasons as much as the trees do.  In the summer, he is ready for fun in the sun.  We are outside every night, and if for some reason we don't get the family out, he gets outs taking walks or whatever can get him outside.  In the fall, he is as happy as a stuffed pig.  No, its not the because the trees are turning beautiful colors; its because hunting season starts.  Holy cow, this is huge to him.  I am not sure if he likes the hunting or that fact that he has an excuse to sit in the woods for hours on end.  He gets out well before dawn and stays sometimes well after the sun sets.  He comes home pumped up, excited for his next trip out. For Spring, well everyone know whats in, well of course its trout fishing!!!!  Which kicks off fishing in general.  This might be my husbands favorite holiday; the first day of trout.  And yes, it is a holiday at least in this house based on the amount of prep time that goes into the first day and the excitement that occurs the night before.  Its like Christmas to my fisherman.  But winter, the cold crappy days of winter wear on my husband.  After the holidays, my husband settles down into a long winter of dread.  I have come to figure out that this "dread" has phases that build onto each other until finally we reach a climax and then thank gosh, spring arrives.  These phases I am pretty sure are unique to my husband and must be described in detail.

Phase 1 - TV Watching
Phase 1 begins when my husband watches every possible show he can on the History Channel, History International, Discovery and National Geographic.  This is not like his normal watch a show here and there.  Oh no, its obsessive.  Its a non-stop TV watching, his butt cannot leave "his" recliner and dare not talk to him while he is watching obsession.  Its almost like he forgot what TV was and how much he liked it for the last three seasons and now re found it.  It's crazy.  He doesn't sleep, so he can stay up, watch TV, and have his alone time with his chair, as he puts it.  But then, the inevitable happens.  There is nothing new on.  After a few days of bitching, and extreme anger towards house plants he moves into phase 2.  (I'm not joking about the house plants.  I swear he gets mad at anything green during this phase.  I had two beautiful hibiscus trees inside for the winter that kept "attacking" him when he went outside and one morning I heard the distinct thud of planters hitting the porch and rolling.  I came downstairs to missing hibiscus trees and I looked at him with that, "What the hell just happened" look.  He looked at me and said, "What, those trees don't live here anymore."  I had already realized that stage 1 was nearly over and bit my tongue.) 

Phase 2 - B rated Horror Movie
That's right, you read it right.  He watches horrible horror movies.  He loves them.  And I'm not talking I Know What You Did Last Summer, I'm talking The Turkey Came Alive and is Killing People kind of horror movies.  He hunts them down on Amazon or Netflix and watches them laughing and ranting on how unrealistic and unbelievably stupid of a plot.  I think he might also time how long it takes for the first boob shot to appear, but I'm not sure on that one.  This phase lasts awhile because believe it or not, there are many bad horror films out there!  And he is very unbias as to all horror creatures, so he watches vampires, zombies, murdering turkeys, all the same.  Therefore, there are tons.  Eventually, though this also comes to an end and we enter into phase 3. 

Phase 3 - Youtube Videos
This is the worst for me.  This is because my husband and I are very close.  Yes, we have had very hard times, but who doesn't.  But when things are normal, we are close.  So this means that everything he sees/watches/reads he explains/describes/shows me.  So, if he watches some crazy Youtube video, so do I.  Why is this so bad?  Because one of his favorite things to watch on Youtube are of cyst busting and oozing.  Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how many times I almost threw up watching these disgusting things!!! But he laughs so hard and loves it!   It has to be a boy thing, because some of his friends love it too and I just don't get it.  Nor do I want too.  But he watches other Youtube stuff too, which can lead us directly into our last and final stage:  phase 4.

 Phase 4 - The wanting of something entirely to expensive to purchase!
Spring is nearly here by this phase but this one is almost like a self-punishing phase that nearly destroys him!  During phase 3, he comes across some video of something that he falls in love with, but of course it is very expensive and nearly unobtainable for us to purchase.  It can vary from a gun, to a motorcycle, to a hunting adventure in another country, a vacation, a learning course of something, etc.  Sky's the limit really.  But when he finds it and it peaks his interest, he obsessively researches it.  He will know everything about it, know all the options, the history of it, and so on and so on.  It takes up his every thought!  He falls asleep thinking about it and wakes up with it being the first thing on his mind.  We talk about it all the time, and just when he is going to bust because he knows deep down inside that we can't afford it but he wants it so bad......April comes.  And April means trout season.  It means being outside.  It means the sun will shine, things will turn green and he will not have to be cooped up inside all the time!   It means, that although he will always still want what he has been thinking about, it now at least can be put on the back burner and discussed at a later date.  It's no longer an obsession.

I know everyone goes through the winter blues.  I know I do at least, and the boys get crazy too, but my poor husband gets it the worse.  I have heard people with bipolar do suffer greatly in the winter time and witnessing my husbands habits makes me believe it to be true.  But since I know the phases, and know that when Spring comes out will emerge my happy go lucky husband.  So I grin and bare it and hide all the house plants until it gets here. 

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