Tuesday, February 19, 2013


My husband used to work for a geologic consulting firm where he monitored streams for damage created by coal mining.  This type of job caused him to be out in the field 5-6 hours a day, which of course meant that he was not around to many public restrooms when nature called.  There were many times when he would come home without any sleeves on his shirt, which of course caused me to pause for a second and wonder what exactly happened to these said sleeves.  Finally, after at least five shirts fell victim by the loss of their sleeves did I break down and ask my husband why he was sleeveless.  He said that when times where tough and he had to "go"  he used his sleeves as toilet paper.  You have got to be kidding me, I said in shock the first time I heard it.  You wipe your @#$ with your sleeves?  He replied with the standard teenager response as if I was his mother, "Everybody does it."  As time went on, I sort of found it funny every time he came home with a newly designed sleeveless shirt and knew he must have had a rough day. 

It was then no surprise really that my oldest resorted to the same use of his shirt during a time he felt like he was in a pinch.  Problem was:  A.  There were witnesses (people we just met really)   B.  He really wasn't in a pinch.

I know that most people have their kids potty trained before they are four, yada yada yada, but my aspie really just got potty trained about 1 1/2 months ago, in other words well into four.  (I have found that those stupid parent books really know nothing and if you will take any advice from me you will throw yours out the door because you will drive yourself nuts if your child does not fit the mold.  And if you have a child with special needs, you might as well drop kick the book or set it on fire because they are no where close in helping you in your situation! I digress.)  One of the ways we were bribing our son to learn to pee on the potty was teaching him how to pee outside.  It was summer, what the heck we thought, whatever would work.  So, with some success he was peeing outside off the patio and we were really excited. 

One really nice evening we all were outside playing.  Myself, the boys, and all the dogs.   Our next door neighbor walked down to meet our new puppy, Charlie, and wanted to say hi to the boys.  Of course, our aspie went hiding in a flower bed that we had planted in the yard.  This bed had really large perennials so he can hide pretty well in there.  I really didn't think much of my oldest being that I was talking with our neighbor and we were all making over the puppy.  After a few minutes, my neighbor says the worse thing ever:  "Do you smell something?"  I'm not sure, I don't think so, I said.  And then it hit me.  The undeniable smell of poop.  Not dog poop, which is distinct, but more of a kid poop.  (Yes, its sad I know the difference, but tell me you don't too if you own both species!)  I follow the stench to the flower bed that my aspie was in.  Before I got to the bed, out pops my son...shirtless.  "Honey, where's your shirt?"  "I pooped" he said.  That is all, no other explanation needed, just "I pooped."  As in, use your imagination as to what you think I did with my shirt after I pooped mommy.  I was shocked and forgot for a moment that my neighbor was still standing there and heard everything that just happened.  I looked at her sort of waiting for a response and all she could muster was a "Well, I'm gonna get home now."  Well okay I say over my shoulder as I go inspect the situation a little more closely.  And there it was...the poop and make shift toilet paper laying there in a perfect pile. 

After I got us all inside I found my hubbie to tell him what just happened.  Of course he laughed because it was funny, but then he asked our son, "Buddy why did you poop outside?"  "The dogs go potty outside too.  I was just being a doggy."  "Why did you use your shirt bud?"  "It's all I had."  And there you have it, the reasoning of the incident.  I guess the using of the shirt was just his genetic make-up kicking in.  As we were putting him to bed that night, my husband was a little prouder and I am not sure if it was a coincidence but happened to be wearing a sleeveless shirt that day as well!

Thanks Dad for reminding me of this story!

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